"Come on," she pleaded. "Just stick it in there!"

"Come on," she pleaded. "Just stick it in there!"

"I'm trying," I responded, breathlessly. "It just
doesn't want to go in."

Cameron was sprawled out on the bed with her platinum
blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, showing off the
dark roots. Anxiously, she waited for me to slide the
large shaft home.

After being apart for nearly two months, this was a
much-anticipated meeting. "Come on," she moaned
again. "You're fucking killing me here!"

"That's it," I said, no longer hiding my frustration.
"I give up." I dropped the large metal shaft I had
been holding for the last 15 minutes. "I didn't come
over here to help you put your furniture back
together. Get your dad to do this shit when he gets
home."

"Good," she said with a smile. "I'm starving. Let's
order some Chinese food to go with that wine."
Cameron hopped off the bed and led the way back
downstairs.

It was the first weekend of summer break, and the two
of us were celebrating a reunion or sorts. Cameron
and I had been friends for as long as I could
remember. We grew up together, and had been nearly
inseparable since the beginning of high school. Over
the last nine months, we had each been away for our
first year of college. Although we talked on the
phone several times a week, this was our first time
hanging out together since Easter.
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many emotions...venting

I usually post about my ED but right now I suppose I'm more caught up in the weight of my heart. I met this guy 3 years ago but we began dating around the 4th of July. We started out be really really good friends. I believe we sometimes see someone and want there to be a connection so badly that we sort of make it happen but tell ourselves it was natural. This guy (we'll call him Tom)is a bit older than me and wasn't my ideal kind of guy at first but he became my total buddy. Our relationship was based on trust and respect and on a smaller level still is. Though at the begining I did notice that he only had one friend (besides me)that consisted of 95% of his social life and it had probably been that way for a while. In the back of my mind I kept wondering if the way he at times seemed to be...I guess obsessed it to strong of a word but I would wonder if I was mostly a ticket out of his loneliness but how could I find that out for sure? Anyways about 2 months later he became more comfortable in letting his temper tantrums/way to gain control show. When he would do something I disagreed with and I would say it would try to always get really mad at any tiny thing I disagreed with and try to intimidate me into biting my tongue when I felt he wasn't treating me right or I disagreed. He does this every time we are together. Sometimes he'll drag it out but it seems when he has something to gain than he cuts it short.Though he shows that he has a lot of love for me. I know your probably thinking yeah you just want to believe that but I could tell that he wasn't faking how strongly he felt towards me by the people closest to him. If he really cherishes me why the tantrums that pulls us apart? How can someone do both to someone? Is it b/c he knows I'll keep coming back? Which I think is a strong possibility but if that is the case I still don't get it. I was curious what other people thought about the situation.
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Written October 10, 2003 by Matthew

Originally published at Memories of Matthew. Please leave any comments there.

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Over the past few days, I have been really upset. The idea of my aunt dying is really taking a toll on my daily life. Not that I want anything to happen to someone else, but my aunt happens to be my favorite relative. What upsets me even more is what my father said the other day. The man cannot come to grips with reality. Everything just somehow always relates to God. His sister is dying and he can still manage to say it is the will of God. Just writing this down almost brings me to tears. I am really confused.


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Written October 4, 2003 by Matthew

Originally published at Memories of Matthew. Please leave any comments there.

Last night, Katlyn and I went to the city to get some Italian food. I cannot even remember the last time I went to an upscale restaurant. Usually I would prefer Japanese food, especially sushi, but Katlyn seems to be a big fan of Italian. I could tell how much she loved Italian food by the way she could pronounce everything on the menu.


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Written September 23, 2003 by Matthew

Originally published at Memories of Matthew. Please leave any comments there.

Today, after my morning classes, I had lunch with Katlyn again. Having lunch together has become routine now. While eating, we spoke about how boring our professor is. I would think that a class like psychology would be interesting, but some how my professor still manages to make me want to kill myself.


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Written September 22, 2003 by Matthew

Originally published at Memories of Matthew. Please leave any comments there.

Yesterday, Katlyn and I spent the whole day together. She said she wanted to do something different, so I decided to take her to a driving range. Not only was it a way for us to try something new, but it also let me whack a couple of balls. The driving range helped me get rid of some extra aggression and tension. The only problem was I couldn't hit the damn things. Half the time, my swing would miss everything except the air. Katlyn was just as bad. Most of the time, we would look up at each other and simply laugh at our futile attempts to drive the balls. Now I know for the next time not to buy the jumbo bucket of balls, it is way too many.


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